week 0, friday

[vigilantics]

[ it's been... a day. everyone is pretty stressed out after the morning, but there is one person steph is concerned about. a lot of the people here seemed to be used to violence in some form, but she knows that there are others who are a little more... normal. ]

Evan?

Comments

[vigilantics]

Oh.

[ she shakes her head. ]

That's not stupid. I used to keep a diary, and I kind of wish I had tried doing that instead of constantly going, "everything is terrible," all of the time.

... does it work?

[selfinserting]

...Not really. Things don't really change, um, even if you write about how they might. I don't really know why I'm... trying it again.

[Besides the fact that it's a familiar habit, and he isn't sure what else to do.]

Did, um, did you diary help?

[vigilantics]

It... helped in the sense that it was a good chronicle for how embarrassing I was as a teen?

[ technically she's still a teen, but. ]

[selfinserting]

I-I bet you weren't, um, weren't that embarrassing.

[After that attempt at being encouraging, he continues on.]

But... D-Did you find anything else that worked better?

[vigilantics]

[ there's a long pause. ]

Back home, a few years ago I kind of made a really bad mistake because I was trying to prove myself to some people. After seeing just how horribly I could fail, after that I kind of just... decided to not do that anymore? Which is a lot easier said than done, but thinking "never again" does help me keep going.

[selfinserting]

[After a moment, he nods.]

I-I get it. You don't have t-to say what it was, but I'm glad that it, um, helped. I-I mean, it's probably not good it happened, but...

[vigilantics]

[ she regrets it more than anything, but it also made her grow up a little faster than she would have otherwise. a push in the right direction because of an unfortunate circumstance. ]

Yeah. Although I do not recommending ruining everything to solve your problems, but... trying to do better works, sometimes.

[selfinserting]

[His expression grows slightly muted for a moment, as though he's thinking about something, but he doesn't mention it.]

Y-Yeah, I... wouldn't want to ruin everything. My, um, my mom would probably be mad at me. But I'm glad it helped you, um, realize you don't have anything t-to prove to anyone.

[vigilantics]

[ hm. ]

Well, it, like most things, is a process. But I'm getting there.

[selfinserting]

[He nods.]

I hope that, um, anything you might have made worse is b-better now.

[vigilantics]

[ no thanks to her, but, ]

Yeah... yeah, it is.

[selfinserting]

[He hesitates for a moment, but they've been tiptoeing around it for a few minutes, and he feels like he should at least ask.]

Um... W-What was the mistake? Only if, um, if you want to tell me. You don't have too, obviously, so...

[vigilantics]

Um. [ she wonders how she can word this so it doesn't sound as bad. ] Okay, uh, when I first started the whole vigilante thing, there was this specific group that I kind of... followed around? They're like, the best of the best, basically. They didn't really consider me one of them, but they'd let me tag along sometimes whole also constantly telling me to quit? It was not a good time for my self-esteem.

[ she pauses. this isn't really a story she has given the explicit details of to people who weren't directly affected. saying you've made a mistake a little different than saying what the mistake actually is. ]

One day, the big boss man suddenly decided to actually teach me personally. Looking back on it, I think he mostly did it because he wanted to make his sidekick who had just quit jealous. Maybe, I don't know, but as soon as I made one mistake he immediately fired me. Which was totally unfair, because I know for a fact that all of the other kids who worked with him made a ton of mistakes and they didn't get fired! Like, what the hell? Anyway, he fired me and basically told me that I'd regret it if I ever tried to do the hero thing ever again. And then I, a gigantic idiot, believed that I could prove everyone wrong and get him to take me back! Except instead I... accidentally... started a gang war?

[ ha ha. ]

[selfinserting]

[He listens attentively to the entire story, but the last part throws him off enough that his only response is:]

You - accidentally started a gang war?

[vigilantics]

Y... es? It happens.

[ this reaction is the reason she gave all of that background info. ]

See, the guy had a bunch of plans that were basically ways to eradicate certain pockets of crime in our city. And I thought that if I successfully did one of them, he'd realize he was wrong and unfire me. So I stole one about dealing with some of the more dangerous gangs. And it worked at first? But there was one specific detail of the plan that wasn't written down. It was info that you would only know if he had personally told you, and he didn't trust me enough to do that. So because I didn't know about it, there was no way to complete the plan and everything kind of just went super horribly.

[selfinserting]

I-I guess that makes sense, but... You, um, you didn't get hurt, did you?

[Even he isn't naive enough to assume nobody else did, since. Gang war.]

[vigilantics]

[ this question is actually what gives her the most pause. she was able to tell the rest of the story because, even though it's pretty terrible, it's still a thing she grew from.

but. ]

A little. I got better.

[selfinserting]

...I'm, um, really glad you got better. That sounds... really scary. I-I can't imagine what I would do if something like that happened to me.

[His tone is sincere, too; it's easy to tell he's still concerned about what might have happened to her.]

[vigilantics]

I hope you don't. You really don't deserve any of that, Evan.

[selfinserting]

[Somehow, that makes a small smile tug at the edges of his mouth.]

T-To be fair, I don't think I, um, know the right kind of people to accidentally start a gang war. So I don't really h-have to worry about that, at least.

[vigilantics]

[ and that makes her laugh. ]

You're already on the right path then. Gangsters are the worst at parties.

[selfinserting]

[There's a nervous laugh of his own in response.]

They don't seem like they'd be v-very good conversationalists.

[vigilantics]

Oh man, they're the worst. Imagine trying to ask one of them to borrow a dollar to get something from a vending machine?

[selfinserting]

I-I can't actually tell if you're joking or if that happened to you. But either way, um, it sounds rough.

[vigilantics]

... it was a joke, but honestly, it sounds like something that could happen.

[selfinserting]

[Another small smile, nodding.]

W-Well, um, I hope you never have to ask a gangster to borrow a dollar, then.